Unawares, we must have crossed through the gates of pork heaven. We knew we had arrived when we saw cones of pork as street food.

But before partaking, we needed to pay a visit to the weeping Virgin – The Statue of the Virgin de la Macarena. She is nicknamed the weeping virgin because of the five crystal teardrops on her cheeks. She is like a life-sized doll with human hair and articulating arms. And she comes with three outfits that get changed up every year.

On Good Friday, she is paraded down the street on a float carried by 48 men hidden under the base with only their feet showing. They rehearse for months to ensure their feet coordinate. This gives line dancing a whole new meaning. Her 1.5 ton float pales in comparison to the big daddy of the procession, a 3 ton float that carries the Christ of the Judgement and is generously coated in gold leaf. No comment…but women like gold too.

Oh, and in addition to listening to the people of Seville’s woes for centuries, she is also the patron saint of bullfighters. She’s hard working, no doubt. One bullfighter decked her out in bling, 5 emerald broaches, which she still wears a century later. After he was gored to death 8-years later, she was dressed in black for a month. I wonder who gets to make her personal styling decisions?

After all that excitement we were now ready for lunch. We made our way to the purported best paella spot in Seville. I have a feeling we are going to be eating a lot of paella on this trip, just to confirm popular opinion. Peter, of course, picked the place which is noted for its classy service. I would have to agree, at every table they provide a separate chair just for your stuff, and our small dining area of 4 tables had a head waitperson, a deputy waitperson, a waitperson in training, and a bus person. I created a small international incident when I told the waitperson in training “no bread”, which the deputy waitperson noticed, then consulted with the head waitperson, who then instructed the bus person to give me bread.

I tried to order a salad to start, but I was informed there was nothing green in the kitchen, so I went with the most unusual potato salad concoction I’ve ever had. This is definitely Peter’s kind of place, no green vegetables in sight. Who knew simple mayo could be elevated to the highest echelon of cuisine? I’m really glad I brought my stretchy pants in a size bigger than I usually wear.

The plate of ham arrived, yes, you order it by the plate, and before I could get my phone out to take a picture, Peter had already attacked the center and removed several pieces. I guess you really can’t hold this guy back when it comes to pork.

In keeping with the local culture we ordered a glass of wine with each course, and finished with a sherry (we are in the land of sherry too! Pork and Sherry – it’s a double double), that was so dark it looked like burnt carmel and was as potent as Everclear. I tried to tell the waiter, that this was our first meal in Spain and it was fabulous. He responded with “Happy New Year!” So that’s how handy my Spanish lessons have been.

Our last stop of the day was to the Archives of the Indies. Four miles of shelves, containing 80 million documents. After 3 glasses of wine…talk about a brain scramble. As I walked down the long hall, and noticed every folder had the same name, I kept wondering “how do they find anything in this place? Have I had too much to drink that everything has the same label? And why do these gigantic fire extinguishers that are every 10 steps need their own sign? Would they really be that difficult to find?”

And if all those internal questions didn’t scramble me enough, I ran into a treasure chest that had a locking mechanism on the inside of the lid. You open the chest by pushing, pulling and twisting these 16 mechanisms in a highly choreographed set of moves that resemble a ninja fighter practicing with two swords.

This place is also part of an UNESCO World Heritage program called “Memory of the World”, (I really do love that name). This archive has 6 documents in their collection that have received this exalted status. I’d tell you what they are, but it was only the only exhibit that wasn’t also translated in English, and my Spanish….well it’s terrible.

Oh, and they have a ship canon that an American donated. He found a sunken galleon full of treasure, and donated the canon as a show of good faith. I think they would have rather had the treasure. Just sayin’

We are still figuring out our way around the twisty streets of Seville, but Peter seems to have no problem navigating to a fancy wine shop we passed by hours before.

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